Style Invitational Week 1334: Mull ’er over — a search for collision
Coin a phrase combining 2 words from the Mueller report. Plus this
year’s ‘grandfoals.’
(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers
Pat Myers
Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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May 30
(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning “grandfoals”
/(The results have been updated to note that honorable-mention winners
Sarah Gilberg, Richard Franklin and Julie Gaddy were First Offenders.)/
*Umbrella-challenged: *Not only not knowing when to fold ’em, but HOW to
fold ’em.
*Dirt-dinner:* When the gossip is the meatiest, spiciest stuff at the
table. Also known as ’sup-per.
** *Santa-Bannon:* A right scuzzy old elf who says, “And to all a far
right.”
The Empress, and the Czar before her, have called upon the Greater Loser
Community to peruse various writings — from the works of Shakespeare to
the local phone book — in the service of various silly word-stunts (and
silly-word stunts). Now, at the suggestion of Loser Jon Gearhart, we
invite you to curl up with the season’s most-talked-about release (or
mostly-release): “Report on the Investigation Into Russian Interference
in the 2016 Election,” by Marie Kondo. Oops, we mean Robert S. Mueller
III. And except for a passel of redacted pages, it’s all available online.
*This week: Combine any two words, names, abbreviations, etc., from
anywhere in the redacted Mueller report, into a two-word or hyphenated
phrase and define it, *as in the examples above.
The Justice Department has posted the Mueller report online as a PDF at
*justice.gov/storage/report.pdf .
*The Post’s faster-loading version is at *wapo.st/mueller-report-twp
*; don’t use words that appear only
in The Post’s annotations. And by the way: There are promising words on
practically every page of this thing; really, you don’t/have/ to sift
through all 400-some pages.
Submit entries at *wapo.st/enter-invite-1334
* (all lowercase).
Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,
* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives what we now deem
the collective noun of a CLAQUE of *windup googly-eyed chattering
teeth;* when you start up all three at once, they rival the tone of a
political debate except for mercifully stopping a few seconds later.
Sent from Missouri by Loser J. Larry Schott.
*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Loser
Mug or our “Whole Fools”
Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser
magnets, “Too-Weak Notice”
or “Certificate of (de)Merit.”
First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink
for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, June 10; *results
published June 30 in print, June 27 online. See general contest rules
and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The
headline for this week’s results is by Jon Gearhart; Jon also wrote the
honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees
group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like”
the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday;
/ follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.
***** * The Style *Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column,
published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of
results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at
wapo.st/styleconv
.
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
*JOCKEYLARITY: WINNING GRANDFOALS FROM WEEK 1330*
** *Week 1330* featured the “foals” in our
“breeding” contest to play on any two names among 100 Triple Crown
nominees. Now here are the “grandfoals” produced by breeding those 65
foal names, the cream of 1,996 entries. Puns on puns!
4th place:
*WillYouDivorceMe? x Mack the Spatula = Ex Over Easy* (Jonathan Paul,
Garrett Park, Md.)
The chattering class: This week's second prize. (Pat Myers/The
Washington Post)
3rd place:
*Pence on Fire x Brazen Overtures = Let’s Have Lunch* (Diane Lucitt,
Ellicott City, Md.)
2nd place and the game Toilet Trouble
:
*Cruella de Villa x Pretentious Op-Ed = 101 Dull Mentions *(John
Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)
And the winner of the Lose Cannon:
*El Choppo x Can't, Miss = El Floppo* (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)
The pit of dissed pair: Honorable mentions
*A Turny General x Old Saw = Snit Happens* (John Winant, Annandale, Va.)
*A Turny General x Leroy Brawn = Benedict Ahnold* (Pam Sweeney,
Burlington, Mass.)
*A Turny General x El Choppo = Redacted* (Kristin Braly, Baltimore)
*<70, Has a Pulse x Mack the Spatula = Middle-Age Spread *(Deb Stewart,
Damascus, Md.)
*<70, Has a Pulse x Walk Into Traffic = <70* (Eric Nelkin, Silver
Spring, Md.)
**Old Saw x DD-Day = Hew Hefner* * (Amy Lane, Annapolis, Md., a First
Offender)
*Arab Schwing x Didlittle = No Harem Done* (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
*Arab Schwing x Laughing Gash = Dana Carved Me* (Roy Ashley, Washington)
*ATM! ATM! x Old Plaque Magic = Cash and Caries* (Chris Doyle)
*ATM! ATM! x Tense = PINs and Needles *(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge,
Mich.; Brian Cohen, Winston-Salem, N.C.)
*ATM! ATM! x Torah Ligament = Funds N’ Moses* (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
*ATM! ATM! x The Royal Wii = PINtendo *(Frank Mann, Washington)
*Barcode of Honor x Brazen Overtures = ReSKU Me!* (Elizabeth Kline,
Frederick, Md.)
*Blingly x Can’t, Miss = Jewel of Denial *(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
*Blingly x Leroy Brawn = Gem Croce* (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.; Rob
Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
*BloodSweat&Tires x Booey CK = Spinning Heel *(Rob Huffman)
*BloodSweat&Tires x Hurlaway = And When I Diet *(Jonathan Hardis,
Gaithersburg, Md.)
*BloodSweat&Tires x Laverne & Surly = 5 Bad Dwarf Names* (Jeff Shirley,
Richmond, Va.)
*Booey CK x Frosty the Roman = Ghost Hoary* (David Peckarsky, Tucson)
*Brazen Overtures x A Vroom of Her Own = Woolf Whistles* (Chris Doyle)
*Brrrrrexit x You Sayin’ Bolt? = I’m Sayin’ Screwed *(Jonathan Paul)
*Buy My Standards x Wink Wink Wink = Mink Mink Mink *(Mike Phillips,
Washington)
*Buzz Off x Lokal = Liteyear* (Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)
*Buzz Off x Torah Ligament = I’ll Be Sinew *(Duncan Stevens)
*Churchill Dons x Cruella de Villa = Churchill Dommes *(Perry Beider,
Silver Spring, Md.)
*Cruella de Villa x Mar-A-Lego = 101 Doll Mansions *(John Hutchins)
*CSI: Sheboygan x Walk Into Traffic = Don’t Wisc. It! *(Stephen Dudzik,
Olney, Md.)
*Cult 45 x Didlittle = Golfedmuch* (Laurie Brink)
*DD-Day x Romeo in Joliet = Bustin’ Out* (Laurel Gainor, Manassas, Va.)
*Didlittle x Brazen Overtures = Placebo Domingo* (Pam Sweeney)
*Didlittle x Laverne & Surly = Talk to the Animus *(Frank Osen,
Pasadena, Calif.)
*Downton Blabby x Walk Into Traffic = Blabbey Road *(Warren Tanabe,
Annapolis, Md.)
*El Choppo x Frosty the Roman = Cato the Gelder *(Chris Doyle)
*Fish in Apparel x Frosty the Roman = Scales of Just Ice* (J. Larry
Schott, West Plains, Mo.)
*Grandfoals Week x F’Artagnan = Bred & Butt Air* (Bernard Brink,
Cleveland, Mo.)
*Hamilton-Brrr x Brrrrrexit = Hamilton-* (Warren Tanabe)
*Hamilton-Brrr x Shivalry = Shiverly* (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
*Hurlaway x Ohm on the Range = Urpin’ Cowboy* (Duncan Stevens)
*Hurlaway x Ohm on the Range = VoMIT* (Frank Mann)
*I Got Inc. x WillYouDivorceMe? = You Got Inc.* (Eric Nelkin)
*Icy Dead People x Frosty the Roman = Julius Freezer *(Julie Gaddy, New
Market, Md., a First Offender)
*Laughing Gash x Shivalry = Mock the Knife *(Becky Fisher, Madison, Wis.)
*Laverne & Surly x A Turny General = Penny Martial* (Laurie Brink; Roy
Ashley)
*Laverne & Surly x Buzz Off = Milwaukee Booers* (Richard Franklin,
Alexandria, Va., a First Offender)
*Lokal x Booey CK = Diet and Exorcise *(Bill Dorner, Indianapolis)
*My Pharaoh Lady x Hamilton-Brrr = TombWhereItHappend *(Rob Wolf)
*My Pharaoh Lady x Hurlaway = Thoth Your Cookies* (Jonathan Paul)
*My Toddler’s Art x Cruella de Villa = Crayola de Villa *(Jon Gearhart,
Des Moines)
*Old Plaque Magic x Cult 45 = Truth Decay* (Greg Dobbins, Boynton Beach,
Fla.; Bruce Carlson, Alexandria, Va.)
*Old Plaque Magic x My Pharaoh Lady = Old Plague Magic* (Mark Raffman)
*Pence on Fire x Cult 45 = AMENdacity* (Frank Mann)
*Pretentious Op-Ed x The Royal Wii = Super Silly? Us?* (Harold Mantle,
Walnut Creek, Calif.)
*Romeo in Joliet x DD-Day = Jailhouse Rack* (Harold Mantle)
*Romeo in Joliet x Dum-dum-dum-DOOM! = Cell Dum Is Heard* (Frank Osen)
*Romeo in Joliet x The Royal Wii = Jailhouse Roku *(Harold Mantle)
*Romeo in Joliet x The Royal Wii = Romeo in Toliet* (Gregory Koch, Falls
Church)
*Torah Ligament x F’Artagnan = Tooteronomy *(Steve Honley, Washington)
*WillYouDivorceMe? x Can’t, Miss = We’re Not Married* (Sarah Gilberg,
Washington, a First Offender; Pam Sweeney)
*Wind Wind Wind x Cult 45 = Coal! Coal! Coal!* (Mark Raffman)
*Wind Wind Wind x Wink Wink Wink = It Was the Dog* (Bernard Brink)
*Wink Wink Wink x Pretentious Op-Ed = Wonk Wonk Wonk *(Jeff Contompasis,
Ashburn)
*Still running — deadline Monday night, June 3: Our contest for new
words that sound like existing words. See wapo.st/invite1333
. *
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